The Blog...

Sometimes, it’ll be heavy.

With eyes open, you can’t really swallow your own BS anymore.

You’ll notice, too, when others are trying to feed you some as well.

You can’t ignore the little voice, ’cause it starts to yell, and physically affect your body if you try block it out. You’ll have a new sense of honesty that invades your thoughts and actions, and that voice transforms into a guide and adviser, instead of a nag.

Things that used to be a focus or seem important suddenly fall to the ground, like a full glass of water. You may try desperately to scoop up the precious drops, now quickly finding their way back into the cold, hard earth, but you’ll just keep cutting up your hands if you do.

So now what? What do you really know? What do you really believe? What do you really need/want/desire?

You see that the search for joy in stuff, money, or a hot, naked body never lasts. You might try keep yourself distracted with such things, and it’ll work for a time. Maybe even until you are done with this life. Maybe you’ll want something more. Maybe, something less.

I’d rather make love because of it, not to try and feel it. To share it, not try to create it. To find that moment; the brief, but eternal look into “someone else” and realize, finally, what no words can ever express.

You’ll see how statements like “’til death do us part” are a touch ridiculous, for death has many forms, and may show itself long before your body is ready to give out. Life is dynamic, and change is the method to self-love and understanding.

You begin to see how short a lifespan really is, and how “time” has nothing to do with anything important. There are new questions now…

You’ll start hearing the words people use simply to fill up silence, because the quiet is terrifying.

You’ll start saying “I love you” to anyone you make eye contact with, without uttering a syllable. This may in turn make you avoid it like never before, because who wants that kind of responsibility?

A child’s cry will now make more sense. You may be inclined to cry out with them. And when they catch your eye, a kind of realization overcomes you in an instant; “I’m here for you”.

You’ll realize that most of your goals and ambitions will need to be reassessed. The “why” will negate and transmute your ideals.

You will feel fear. Really feel it. But now maybe you’ll be able to embrace it. Everything in your life changed the moment you learned to fear. Now, you have insights that will reshape your definitions of it. You’ll begin to realize that you have innate abilities to perceive your truth and that the concepts of fear, anger, shame, guilt and depression are simply flags in your system, telling you that you’re ignoring something; you are trying to ignore the real you. Awareness simply will not allow for it.

You may find yourself emotional at the sight of something in nature. It’ll make you cry, but only because you’ve participated blindly in damaging that which supports, feeds, and houses you in your brief moment of physical existence. Or, you’ll shed tears of joy in thanks and the sense of unity now becoming evident.

You’ll now also see that nature is without effort or struggle, and unendingly patient. A blade of grass doesn’t “try” to reach for the sun. A tree falling to the ground, or an entire forest going up in flames is not destructive. The creatures and beasts self-regulate; the intricate balance is maintained without need of intervention. These are simple cycles in an endless stream of energetic renewal.

You’ll realize that if one seed can in time spring an entire forest, that your thoughts and actions work in very much the same way.

You see now that humanity is the one, and the many. You are you, but you are also us. Your experience is a vast interplay of atoms, light and consciousness. You don’t need to “try” and love. You won’t even need to ask or interpret such things anymore.

So you can choose to use the awareness and take on the new challenges of release and renewal, discovery and revelation. Or, go back to ritual, repetition, ignorance and being numb. Either way is fine. It’s your life, your body, your experience, your story.

tb